That is, we have low-risk disclosures - such as the fact that you have a dog named Snot.
Medium-risk disclosures - such as the fact that you're not very athletic and never were any good at sports.
For example, one guy may be extremely good at meeting women, getting phone numbers, and getting dates, but runs into problems once the dating actually begins.
Outwardly he seems charming, charismatic, and confident.
and pretty much ignores her self-disclosing "hints." Most likely his problem is talking too much and listening too little, as others will usually match your disclosure level if given the opportunity.
(The "opportunity" basically means you acting interested in what they have to say.) So, in a nutshell, there are three types of disclosure-related problems which can appear and ruin our often eagerly anticipated dates: 1) Neither person is self-disclosing.
Throw in a few good active, reflective listening skills and you've got the makings of .
Dating problems arise, often chronic dating problems which baffle and frustrate, when this simple formula is ignored.
If you tell her you're not very athletic, you're a little more vulnerable because she may prefer athletic guys and possibly think less of you.
And high-risk disclosures - such as the fact that you were abused as a child and spent several years in therapy as a result.
The degree of risk refers to how much you open up and how VULNERABLE you make yourself to the JUDGMENTS of others.
You can't small talk your way into another's heart. You're TRUSTING the other with personal information about yourself.
And you're flattering them by implying that you like them and want to get to know them better... And if it happens to be a medium or high-risk disclosure, this trust and openness creates a BOND which serves to tie people together in an unseen, but very powerful way. The prototype for a successful date follows a pattern of communication from casual to intimate.
You usually start off with small talk or some other non-disclosing type of talk which helps to break the ice and get things rolling.