Dating your boss
After a night out, we were heading back to his (read: parents’) place and stopped into a bagel shop for drunk food.
After ordering, he said “watch this” and proceeded to steal a package of smoked salmon from the fridge and put it in his coat.
Strike one: He said he preferred to spend his money on experiences rather than things.
I agreed, and started talking about my love of travel—at which point, he interrupted me to say I probably “still owned Uggs though”…
The Starbucks date didn’t start off terribly—he was about 5 inches shorter than he’d claimed to be, but was also WAY cuter than his profile photo, so I felt like it all balanced out.
(And to be clear: his actual height is a non-issue; lying about it was the downside.) But when we actually started talking, I felt like all this dude wanted to do was prove how ~*intellectual*~ and different he was.
He then proceeded to tell me about his anti-sex Catholic upbringing, his desire for a homemaking wife and his penchant for feet.
I was 24 and living with my parents and figured new year, new me, right? My Tinder date, first of all, showed up to our date spot—a Timothy’s Cafe—unfashionably 30 minutes late.The date ended with a somewhat unwanted sloppy kiss beside my parents’ van in the parking lot, and a strong desire to never see this human being again. I’d let it slip where I worked, which was a fair distance from where I met him where he lived. Once he got hired, I requested shift times that did not overlap with his. When I was 17, this guy from the high school across town would not stop texting me.A week later, he appeared at my place of employment… Eventually, he got fired for harassing a client, which I warned my boss about at the time. I wasn’t super into him, but when you’re 17, WTF do you know?and then he LOOKED AT MY SHOES TO SEE IF HE WAS RIGHT.At that point, I realized I didn’t need to wait for three strikes.
He mentioned that he was an inventor at heart, and that one day, he was going to be so successful that he would be in a photo with the then-U. president Barack Obama, pointing at his new bud and saying, “Yeahhh, this guy!